A VERSION OF A STORY
In the high mountains of Colorado....
.....in an uppity Chinese restaurant in a snow-blown town, in the blizzard-darkness of the last few moments of the year 2012, Alex Harvey and Jono Waldman strode toward the microphone. Alex held his pick aloft. Jono made ready his nimble fingertips. Together they struck. Together they sang. And Lo! there sprung from the very ground a great host of warriors, five thousand strong! Five thousand murderous rogues to slay, destroy and dismember any cakewalk with so much as a single augmented fifth chord.
They were 5000 Jazz Assassins.
As the snows of winter passed away, they returned home to the byways of Brooklyn. There they were joined by one, Lorenzo Wolff, a cagey young upstart with all the song slashing skills of a master musical assassin. And thanks to the wizzardry of mixologist Del Pedro and his worldly elysium, the Tooker Alley cocktail bar, 5000 Jazz Assassins began the long dark (weekly) journey to avenge themselves against the dusty emeralds and rubies of the "American Songbook."
Aided by a warpage in the continuum of melodic spacetime, Alex, Jono and Lorenzo brought their captive listeners (& captives) back with them through the ages to the cathouses of Storyville; to the midships of Streckfus Steamer excursion boats; to the Isle of the Manhattoes with its clamoring Tin Pans on 28th street and its majestic madness brimming The Palace on 47th street. Yes, if you pour through the archive you can spot them still, like three bespectacled Waldos in the crowd, strumming and singing and slaying as they go.
But thanks to the miracles of modern science and technology: You can also see them alive and in person and hear their crooning and swooning in real time as it is occurring - for 5000 Jazz Assassins are a living and breathing organism.
They are a BAND (CLICK HERE FOR REFERENCE).
THEY ARE AVAILABLE TO PLAY AT YOUR WEDDINGS AND WAKES / AT YOUR COTILLIONS AND QUINCEANERAS / AT YOUR ENGAGEMENT PARTIES AND PARTY ENGAGEMENTS / AT YOUR SPECTACLES AND SPEAKEASIES ALIKE.
They have been heard to say: "We marry em, WE CARRY EM, we bury em, we ferry em."
Distinguished guest soloists who play with
5000 Jazz Assassins
Jimbino Vegan Monahan
Jonathan "Skunk" Singer
Justin "The Giant" Smith
and many more!